


Unfinished Business

by Extrinsical



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-02-27 17:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2700731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Extrinsical/pseuds/Extrinsical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day, Shinji approaches them on the roof of Homurahara Academy. Post UBW, game verse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. trigger

Part I | trigger | 4,980 words.  
Post UBW route, game verse.

 _BGM:_ [ _Ever Present Feeling (Realta Nua ver)_ ](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=BfpESuES3m0#PS_Vita_Fate%2Fstay_night_Realta_nua_OST_2012_-_Ever-present_Feeling_%5BSpoiler%5D)

 . . .

  
One day, Shinji approaches them on the roof of Homurahara Academy.

Asks to speak to her in private.

Her expression remains impassive, but Shirou can just _feel_ an odd sort of tension rising from her when Shinji walks towards them.

It makes him want to step in front of her and impose himself as a barrier between them, and he's not even sure why. After all, Matou is not even close to being a threat to him, let alone her.

He knows she won't appreciate that, though, and thus restrains himself. He settles for standing beside her instead.

Rin just stares in silence for a long moment, lips a straight line, and gaze impassive at the boy with hunched shoulders and shadowed eyes trained somewhere on the fence behind her.

"Why?" she asks finally.

He watches as Shinji's mouth opens, closes, and then there's the gritting of teeth. The blue haired boy casts an unwelcoming half-glance and half-glare at him before returning to look at her.

Then the gaze drops down again.

The wind picks up.

For a short while, the soft rustle of leaves in the distance is the only sound in the ensuing silence between three of them.

The wind dies.

The boy takes a deep breath and then raises his head to look Tohsaka in the eye.

"Please," is the word spoken.

There's no arrogance to be found in that voice. There's no pride. Only a quiet resignation, regret, shame and something close to guilt -- yet not quite.

Shinji has changed.

Shirou has heard, from Sakura, to some extent of how her brother had changed since waking up in the hospital...but he is still surprised despite himself.

At the same time, he is a little glad to see the other changed for the better.

Rin’s gaze remains fixed on Shinji, and the soft orange sun casts a vivid burnt gold tint upon her hair.

" --- Please give us some space, Emiya-kun."

He's not surprised.

"I'll be by the door."

Her gaze moves to meet his for the briefest of a moment, there are hints of silver reflected in her brilliant blue eyes, and there's something like a _thank you_ that she doesn't verbally say.

A request for space, after all, is not a request for him to leave.

Sometimes he wishes she can be a little more honest, but he's learning to read her better.

Shinji doesn't comment. It seems privacy is enough, though a glare is still thrown Shirou’s way.

So he walks across the rooftop to the entrance, actually steps inside the building, doesn't close the door, and instead leans against the door frame as he watches them.

The conversation between them begins anew.

He's far enough that he can't hear what Shinji is saying, but he's not so far that he cannot watch the change in her expression.

But needlessly said, he's just as surprised as Rin when a head is bowed.

Matou Shinji is...apologizing.

Shirou believes he's interpreting Rin's conflicted expression correctly when he thinks she's having a difficult time deciding how to react to it. And Shinji is still speaking.

But then.

Her expression changes completely.

It's no longer just surprise --- it's astonishment. Astonishment mixed with horror and amazement and disbelief.

It plays on her face so vividly.

She's so stunned by what she hears that she takes a step back and hits the fence behind her.

But it's only for a moment. Not ten seconds have passed, but it felt like a minute to him. She collects herself so swiftly and completely that he wonders if it was his imagination -- and then it's only rage that he sees on her face.

Pure, unbridled fury that shows in her eyes and from the prana leaking out from her uncontrollably, saturating into his skin even at where he stands.

And for a moment, he thinks -- he thinks she's just a moment away from _killing Shinji_.

Has she lost it?

He thinks she has lost it.

It makes him step out into the roof again in alarm, only to realize that Shinji is actually standing his ground despite the enmity she shows.

Shinji's hands are fisted in tightly, his head remains bowed in guilt, and he is trembling. And yet, he is resolutely standing there despite being afraid, for all intents and purposes ready for whatever Tohsaka may do.

Shirou can almost _feel_ the prana forming in her left arm where her magic crest is, and he can’t help but think -- _Shinji, what have you_ done _?_

The wind blows, and her dark hair waves around her.

Through clenched teeth, she speaks with a calmness that belies the rage building in her.

He can only catch snippets of it now because of the wind.

"...me...everything..."

"...ever since...young..."

The wind dies, and he can't hear what they are saying. And he's worried. He’s never seen Tohsaka so angry and _so ready to kill_. He doesn’t understand why Shinji is behaving this way.

He thinks something must have happened during the war, in the castle, that caused them to behave this way.

If he only knew how wrong he was.

If he only knew how right he was.

The wind picks up again.

And he hears a name he hadn't expected to come into this conversation.

"...Sakura..."

Sakura?

There's only one Sakura he knows, and it's Matou Sakura - Shinji's sister.

He watches the girl he loves.

Once again the expression that flits across her face makes his blood run cold. It’s no longer just shock and horror -- there is something like heart-wrenching grief and helpless rage among the myriad of emotions playing upon her face, raw and endless, and he knows for sure now that something has gone terribly wrong.

And he doesn't know what Sakura has to do with it.

The conversation goes on for a little while more.

And then it ends.

Tohsaka has turned away from the boy, and her gaze is at the distant city past the gold-orange sky.

Her back is to him and Shinji, but Shirou can just feel the tension lining her shoulders.

She is saying something he can’t hear nor even begin to guess with her back turned, but her tight fists speak volumes.

Whatever it is she said -- it makes Shinji nod, say something in return before turning and walking to him, then past him, and then retreating down the stairs.

"... --- Shinji?"

The boy who ignored him pauses but doesn't turn to look back at him.

It's a long moment before his friend (former?) speaks.

"I'm transferring to Tokyo. This is my last month here."

Wait. What? What about Sakura? And hasn’t the school year just started?

"Shin -- "

“It's really none of your business, Emiya, so just _shut up_ ,” Shinji interrupts irritably, doesn’t explain, and proceeds to stomp down the stairs.

He stares at the empty space, uncomprehending.

What just happened?

He looks back out to the roof where Tohsaka remains motionless, her back to him. The wind ruffles her long black hair, and the sun stains her clothes a soft yellow.

He doesn't know why her back feels so alone at that very moment -- as if she’s carrying the weight of the world on her back, yet somehow…

Despite it all, she stands tall. And strong.

. . .

She never did tell him what the conversation was about, in the end.

"Sorry. I need some time alone to think." A pause. "I won't be attending school for the next couple of days, so contact me only if something urgent comes up."

Those were the words she left him with before leaving the school.

Tohsaka was absent from school the next day.

The day after.

And the day after.

"...Senpai." Sakura approaches him quietly. Her gaze is pensive, and he knows she's concerned as well.

The rumours went wild when the school idol was inconspicuously absent for three days without notice; so much so that, among the various people coming to him for answers, even Issei and Mitsuzuri commented about it to him.

When even _Sakura_ comes to him for answers...

The younger girl hesitates for a moment before speaking again. "Tohsaka-senpai...is she okay?"

He doesn't know what to tell her besides giving his own pensive frown. Should he tell her about the conversation Tohsaka had with Shinji?

" --- Why don't you go see her?" she asks.

Oh, if Sakura only knew how much he wants to.

But the back that faced him that day in school as she walked away clearly said: "Let me be alone."

And Tohsaka did say it will only be a few days. She's as good as her word, and he trusts that she will be returning to school soon.

He just doesn't know what kind of expression she will have then. He hopes it’s not the one she had.

"Senpai?"

"Oh -- sorry. I was just thinking."

Something like exasperated fondness crosses her face despite the worry in her eyes.

He wonders if he should ask. He wonders if he _can_.

He doesn't really know what to think – is Sakura okay? Is she in danger? Did something happen to the girl in front of him? Why did Shinji mention her in the conversation, and _why_ did Tohsaka react the way she did?

And why was Tohsaka so ready to _kill Shinji_?

"What is it, Senpai?"

He blinks.

Sakura smiles. "You look like you want to ask me something," she says by way of explaining.

It makes him give her a rueful grin. "That obvious?"

Her smile grows. "Unlike Tohsaka-senpai, you don't have a very good poker face."

...Ugh. He can't even deny it.

He sighs. "I...how is Shinji doing lately?"

Her smile vanished. "Nii-san?"

She stares up at him, and her eyes grow shadowed. "Nii-san...hasn't come back home."

"Eh?"

The younger girl offers him a weak, helpless smile. "After he got back from the hospital, he stayed a few days -- and then he left."

But Shinji was still coming to school daily.

He frowns down at her. "Did something happen?"

She hesitates. "No -- not that I noticed."

"...I see."

"Does Nii-san have something to do with Tohsaka-senpai being absent?"

His mouth closes shut. How did she figure that out from such a simple question?

The look on her face is a cross between pensive and worry. "Please tell me what happened, Senpai. If there's anything I can do, then..."

...Well. She says that, but he can't answer the question either -- because he doesn't know what happened.

But this conversation is enough to make him decide that he’s going to visit Rin today.

. . .

In retrospect, he kind of did expect this, but he would've liked it if she greeted him differently. Like, you know, with a smile. Maybe even a hug, though he's fairly sure that will never happen.

Rin, instead, is glaring sharply at him with arms crossed from the entrance of her house.

"....Didn't I say to leave me be for a while, idiot?"

Well, at least she looks alright. Even if a little bit exhausted.

"Just needed to make sure you are alright."

She tilts her head at him. "And now you know," she retorts. "Are you going to return home then?"

He actually wasn't planning to until he knows for sure.

Rin's glare deepens. It looks as if she's figured out that part, as well.

"...you realize," she says dryly, "that I could just leave you standing out here until you go home. In the cold."

She can, but he doesn't think she will.

For all the heartlessness she may exude and snap decisions she may make at a second's notice, she's one of the most empathic, kind persons he has ever met.

Tohsaka may deny it, but he knows. She could've left him for dead during the War. She didn't have to bandage his wounds and make sure he lives. She didn't have to do a lot of things.

But she did all of them anyway without complaint and without regret. Though she had argued that she did so under the guise of fairness and honor and not wanting to owe him or that it was because they were a team, he _knows_.

Tohsaka Rin is an inherently good person, and he will never want her to change who she is.

"Fine. Come in," she huffs at him, then steps aside. "You may be uninvited, but you're still a guest."

Ouch. True. But ouch.

... Well, a good person she may be, but that doesn't mean she passes at opportunities to jab when she can.

She's certainly a very complicated person.

. . .

"..."

"..."

He sips at his tea.

She remains quiet, elbow resting on table and fingers touching at the lip.

A clear sign she is deep in thought.

For a moment, he just watches her.

The overhead light that colors her hair with a soft hue, there is a reflection of silver in her vivid blue eyes, pale skin and hands that he knows are soft to the touch...

He shoves that thought to the back of his mind hastily. Now is so not the time for that.

He doesn’t stop watching her, though. He thinks he can watch her all day.

And across the table, her eyebrows are furrowing slightly.

The clock ticks in the silence between them.

Then, her eyes moves to focus on him.

"What?" She asks, seemingly a little flustered.

He blinks. "What what?"

She scowls at him, a hint of red on her cheeks. "You are staring."

Actually, he was admiring, but he's not sure if saying that will fly over well.

Her scowl is slowly turning into a glare at his lack of response.

"Emiya-kun...don't you know it’s rude to stare?"

"I wasn't staring," he says feebly even though it was true.

She shoots him a look.

“Okay,” he admits then, perhaps a little shamelessly. It’s not like he can help it. Half the time he still thinks it’s a dream that she has decided to be with him, wants to be with him, and _is_ with him. “I guess I was.”

She doesn’t look entirely satisfied by his words. “Well?”

“Well?”

Her eyes narrow at him, and she scowls again. “ _Why_ are you staring at me?”

“I was admiring, actually.” A pause, and he’s suddenly feeling mischievous. “...I can’t?”

She flushes. “I - n-no, I mean, you can, but - “

Then she stops.

And she’s suddenly glaring at him again in displeasure.

“You are teasing me,” she says accusingly, a hint of sulk in her voice.

His grin must have been too transparent.

She glares more and then pushes the empty teapot to him. “If you have time to make fun of me, then you have time to fetch us more tea.”

His smile grows, and he stands, taking the pot with him.

He also mock salutes her in the process. “Yes, ma’am. Fetching us more tea now.”

As he walks towards the kitchen, he can hear her huff, and it makes him chuckle.

. . .

He checks the kettle. Hmm. Empty.

After filling more water into it before setting it on the stove, he opens the cupboard in search of tea leaves. They just had earl grey, so maybe he should use lavender this time - it would do his girlfriend some good to be able to relax for a little while.

His thoughts come to a halt when he feels slender hands wrapping around his torso, and a warm body pressing into his back.

He freezes.

“T - Tohsaka?!”

Her face burrows further into him, and he can feel her resting her weight on him.

“H - hey - ” his brain fizzes at her being pressed to him this way.

"Be quiet," she commands.

He shuts up.

The grandfather clock ticks in the ensuing silence.

Tick, tick, tick.

Hesitantly, his hands lift to cover her smaller ones - only to freeze mid-way once more as she finally breaks the silence.

“Thank you… for coming to check on me.” Her words are soft. “And I’m sorry I worried you.”

Her words make him pause further, and then he grumbles in exasperation. It figures that she’s already realized why he came by.

She laughs quietly at that. “Don’t be like that. I really do appreciate it, you know.”

“Hmph.”

Her hands squeeze his torso lightly in response. She doesn’t let go, though.

“...Hey, Shirou?”

“Hmm?”

She’s quiet, for a long moment.

“There’s something I want to do. But...I know it will be a mistake.” She breathes in deeply. “To Tohsaka Rin, the magus, the heir --- it will be a very huge mistake to make.”

Her soft, calm words flow steadily, and for some reason -- he is reminded of that night when they were sitting back to back, in the cold cemetery grounds.

She feels as warm as she was that night.

“...But, if I don’t do this...I know I’ll regret it forever. So...I have to do it. I need to. Because if I don’t --- ” she pauses.

Then she sighs.

“--- I’ll never stop regretting it.”

The way Tohsaka says it is very puzzling. It’s as if she’s been regretting something for a very long time, and he isn’t sure if it’s something he can ask about. Or if she will ever willingly speak of it.

All he knows is that it has something to do with Shinji -- and possibly Sakura.

“...Isn’t this where you make a comment now, hey?”

He can’t help but grin at that. Isn’t this turning out to be a very similar scenario to that night?

He squeezes her hands gently. “Don’t you remember what I said, Tohsaka?”

She pauses at that. “Remember what?”

His grin grows.

That night was still fresh in his mind, including the clear winter sky, and bright moon.

He mock coughs into his fist, and his words are an echo of what he said that night. “You only get depressed once in a while, but what comes after is scary in your case. You would just go to the ones who got you depressed and get them to be even more depressed.”

Her grip tightens on him slightly -- it seems like she’s finally remembering that night too.

“Tohsaka...you’re the kind of person who would march on regardless, even when you thought you may have screwed up when it counts the most. And you are not planning to change your mind on what you decided to do, right?”

Like that night, she doesn’t answer his question.

But he can feel her smile into his back.

“Trying to finish me off again?” she asks, and there’s warm amusement in her soft words.

“Yep. Thought I’d strike while your guard is down.”

She huffs out a chuckle, and squeezes him a little more in reproach.

“Idiot,” she says.

He doesn’t mind, though.

It makes him smile again, instead.

. . .

“Hey, Shirou?”

It’s dark now.

There’s only the bright moonlight from outside illuminating her bedroom through the semi-transparent curtains, and it casts a soft white glow on her hair and skin.

“Hmm?”

“Do me a favor?” she murmurs into his neck, where her head is resting lightly on the edge of his chin.

He thinks he would do anything for her. His hand runs through her soft hair; the other is curved around her waist.

“What do you need?”

“--- Tell Sakura to come by my house after school tomorrow.”

He pauses in his motions.

“I…” she quiets momentarily before she continues. “I need to talk to her.”

“Okay,” he agrees easily.

She props her head up with a hand that rests on his chest then, and looks him in the eye.

“You’ve nothing to ask me?” she queries, her eyes a soft mix of vivid blue and silver in the reflection of the moonlight; dark hair spilling around her and him.

There’s a lot he wants to ask her, actually.

And he thinks -- he thinks that if he does ask, she will answer. That is what her eyes are telling him.

But...by asking, he also knows that the expression he saw that day - one of so much rage and sadness and pain - will come back to sketch itself on her face.

He doesn’t ever want to see her that way again.

So instead, he enquires about other matters that he's at least sure won't sadden her the way she was that other day.

“Is it going to be dangerous? For you, or for Sakura?”

Something like surprise flickers in her gaze.

"...What makes you think there's going to be danger?" she asks neutrally.

There are many answers he can give for that -- ranging from the things she told him in the kitchen to the pain lurking behind her eyes to the fierce determination that's so apparent to him -- but, in the end, he settles for saying, "You've never wanted to kill Shinji until a few days ago."

And it is true -- she's never shown that much enmity to Shinji, even during the Holy Grail War when the Matou boy had done unspeakable things. Back then, she had been prepared to maim, with all the intention for Shinji to take responsibility for what he had done.

But it's different this time. The fact that Rin doesn't respond - either to confirm or deny - is as good as admitting it.

Instead, after a pause, she answers the question he asked previously.

“There is a chance it might be dangerous. I don't really know yet.” Her words are soft and calm. She doesn’t lie to him. “But I’ll protect her,” she says, and he knows she means it. There isn’t a sliver of hesitation in that sentence.

Then there’s a moment where she considers her next words, so he waits.

“And I... need to do this myself, Shirou. I need to end this, by my own hands.”

She’s telling him that she’s going to enter into something that might hurt her, hurt Sakura, and he cannot follow her and protect both of them.

She’s asking him to understand that he cannot come with her, this time.

Can he be obstinate regardless and follow her?

 _This is my battle_ , her eyes seem to say, strong and resolute. _Mine to start, and mine to end._

And didn’t something similar happen to him with Archer?

She respected it and let him do what he needed to do. This is why he knows he can't stop her or involve himself. He has no grounds to interfere because she will never be able to live with herself if he does.

His grip on her tightens a little.

“You’ll tell me what’s going on soon?”

Another pause.

“... Yes.” She hesitates, looks away. A shadow flits past her eyes. “If you want to know. But --- I can only tell you my part.”

That doesn’t completely satisfy him and actually leaves him with more questions, but it will do for now.

“You’ll tell me if you need me?”

At that, she looks back at him, and smiles. “I will.”

"No matter the reason? Day or night, emergency or non-emergency?" he clarifies, because he knows she has a tendency to try to fix things herself even when she's out of her depth.

Majority of the times she came out successful because she was _Tohsaka Rin_ , but there were a few times when the results were disastrous.

Her lips quirks in amusement at that. "Yes, Shirou. No matter the reason."

"You'll tell me when things have been settled?"

She inclines her head a little. "You will know when it's settled."

“And you’ll come back to me?”

He thinks he’s caught her off guard with that question because she’s looking at him carefully now, reading the things he doesn’t say verbally.

Her stare penetrates and makes his throat go dry. It's as if she's looking into his very soul right now, and he just stares right back because _he needs to know_.

And for a long moment, she is silent.

Then she reaches up to him, brushing cool fingers on his cheek and lip, and speaks.

“I’ll come back to you,” Tohsaka Rin says, words soft but clear. “On my name, I promise you that.”

He knows that she knows that he knows it’s a reckless promise that she’s making. Their experience in the war for the Holy Grail was enough to tell them that there is no way she can promise him that with certainty.

And yet she has.

He shifts them around so that he’s hovering above her, again, with hands resting on each side of her, locking her in.

“If you make me wait too long,” he says uncompromisingly, “I’ll find you. I'll lock you up in my room. And I'll have my way with you.” And he's not kidding. He really will do it.

She blinks up at him even as he feels the tip of his ears grow warm.

Oh god did he reallyjustsaythat...

Then, unexpectedly, soft laughter bubbles out of her.

He stares down at her uncomprehendingly. He has just more or less threatened her (kind of but not really) and she laughed in his face. She _laughed_ in his face.

It makes him want to sulk at her with wounded pride.

“Okay,” she says then, and there’s a real and affectionate smile on her face that takes his breath away. “I’ll hold you to that, Shirou.”

Her smile turns teasing, and the evil glint he's long familiar with returns to her gaze.

"But, Emiya-kun, when you say have your way with me, perhaps you could clarify a bit?"

 There is mischief, and then there is _mischief_.

And at this moment, she is all of them, with a hint of _something_ that makes his heart pound just a bit faster.

"Uh." A few choice images flit past his mind.

It makes his brain fizz and come to a grinding halt while blood rushes to another part of him.

His face goes hot.

Hers did too, but that was only after her eyebrows shot up as she glanced _down_ then back to inspect the expressions playing on his face.

"...It appears that Emiya-kun does have a few things in mind," she says dryly, and there's a strange mix of amusement, curiosity and apprehension in her words.

“That - it - “ he stutters. That's unfair. He's at a massive disadvantage when she can already read him so well, let alone when _that_ happens. "It - it doesn't matter, does it?! I'll just do whatever I want then!"

Despite everything about the current situation and the topic of conversation, a Cheshire-Rin-like grin is growing on her face. "But it does matter, Emiya-kun. It's you doing things to me, so naturally I'd like to know what that entails, especially since you had that very disturbing _look_ on your face --- h - hey - haha - h-hey!!"

She's startled into giggling when he interrupts her by tickling at her sides. Mostly it's because he'd rather not dig himself a bigger hole to fall into (which will happen if he lets her continue)... and a little bit of it is because her laughter is music to his ears.

“Shirou! Don’t do that!” she half laughs and half reprimands; then she tries to bat his offending hand away only to have her wrist captured in turn and pressed to the bed. “What are --!”

Anything else that she would've said is cut off when he brings his lips down to hers.

She's surprised enough that he has the opportunity to slip in and take in the deep recesses of her mouth, tasting remnants of tea and lavender - and eventually her free hand winds up around the curls at the back of his head.

Then she breaks away for air when her breathing grows ragged, and he chases, swallowing any protests that she might give in a rough, hungry kiss.

Her fingers dig into the back of his head but she doesn't push him away.

"Shirou -- " she manages to gasp between lapses, "you - you are being an _idiot_."

She doesn't break away again. Instead, she pulls him closer, and lets him claim however way he wishes.

She knows, he thinks. She _knows_.

Despite the teasing and the banter that kept the mood between them light, the desperation and something like fear and the thousands of questions that are steadily burning in him haven’t disappeared even when he tried to keep them at bay.

And she's already seen through it all.

He would have done anything to be able to follow her into whatever chaos she's about to enter, but all she needed to do was give him that _look_ and he knows he cannot intrude, not this time, or she will be lost to him.

Later, in the darkness, when he moves above and inside her again, her trembling fingers making indents in his shoulder and face buried in the crook of his neck, he wants to tell her that she is _his._ His, and he's _not_ going to lose her.

Her fingers dig further into his shoulder.

"This," she mutters, half whimpers and half gasps as he moves, "this is why... I say you are....an idiot."

Oh. He had actually said that aloud. But he really doesn't have enough of a sound mind to respond, let alone process what she is saying. Had he taken a moment to consider it, he might have noticed that she didn’t actually rebuff his claim.

This is not something he would realize until much later, however.

. . . .

A/N - I had a lot to say, but now that I'm actually posting this, I can’t quite recall what they are anymore...

So I'll say this instead: Fight scenes will be few and far in between, if there's even any. I also won't really go into technicalities or logic of the FSN universe, partly because I don't see a need to rehash known details, but mostly because I'm working off memory and may end up digging myself into a hole if I try.

Special thanks to WayFarer2000 for his help in beta reading and his useful suggestions...and I hope this was a good read. :)

 


	2. transition

Part 2 | transition | 3,135 words  
Post UBW route, game verse.

. . .

"You should go," she points out when he stuck around for tea after breakfast, "or you'll be late for school."

He doesn't actually want to leave.

Or, to be exact, he prefers to have her come with him where he can watch over her.

"You are not coming?"

"No," she lifts her cup to sip at it, and visibly leans back against the chair with a tired sigh. "There are still some things I need to take care of. And Fujimura-sensei will be too excitable today for even me to deal with."

He winces at the reminder.

That... had been his mistake.

The phone rang while he was making breakfast. Rin had just barely only woken up and she was most definitely not a morning person, and so...he picked up the phone.

Tohsaka had been a second too late in stopping him when she realized what he was about to do.

As a result, his ears still rings from the deafening roar that came through, and the girl across him is nursing a bruise at the back of her head from where she slipped.

To be fair... he had already been expecting trouble since he had been out the entire day and night. On the other hand, he hadn't actually expected Fuji-nee to call the Tohsaka residence and in effect drag Rin into hot water with him.

He should have realized it would happen, in retrospect. Tohsaka had been absent from school without notice, and someone was bound to call and check.

He rubs at the back of his head sheepishly.

"Ah...I'll explain it to her."

The girl sitting across him shoots him an exasperated glare. "Emiya-kun... you aren't a very good liar. What are you even planning to say?"

He hasn't actually thought about it yet.

This is a little tricky because Taiga's been a lot more suspicious ever since Rin came by his house more frequently for dinners and whatnot (it's actually to facilitate her teaching him magic, but of course he can't say that... ).

And this, he can't help but think, would surely make Fujimura even more suspicious.

Taking that in mind though, perhaps this means he can tell the truth...

He feels his face warm at the reminder.

Actually, maybe not. He doesn't think it will fly over well with Taiga, let alone the girl he spent the night with.

"Um... I could say you are sick?" he tries, while willing a specific part of him to go back to sleep. He can still feel the indents she made on his shoulder.

She huffs at the unconvincing way he speaks. Nevermind that she looks a little flushed herself, probably remembering the same things he is. "Look, just... do your best to evade her for today," she says. "I'll take care of it afterwards, alright?"

He doesn't really think he will be able to, but he agrees to take up the challenge. One day. Just one day. There's a chance he might just succeed.

Silence encompasses them.

He's not sure how long has passed before she sets her teacup back onto the plate with a gentle click, and she stands - taking both their empty tea cups and settling them on the tray before picking it up.

"You should go, Shirou," she says, not really in an abrasive tone, but a nonetheless straightforward one that requests for him to leave. "You don't want to be late, do you?"

"Mm." She says that, but… there's still one last thing he needs to be sure of.

"...And if you have something to say, you should say it." She's looking at the expression on his face with some knowing exasperation, and also with some bemusement.

"Um..."

She gives him a questioning look, one hand balancing the tray while the other slides her chair in.

He clears his throat.

"Uh. Are you feeling okay?"

She blinks.

"What are you talking about?" She frowns at him. "Of course I'm okay."

"That's not what I mean," he mumbles, face growing warm. "I mean... I was rough."

"What - " her mouth clicks shut. She reddens.

Silence ensues.

A minute passes.

Then Tohsaka breaks it with an embarrassed - and faintly harassed - look on her face.

"...I'm fine," she mutters with a flush on her face. "And even if I'm not, I'll be soon. You don't have to worry about me."

"Okay..."

She gives a glare at him at his weak response.

"You got your answer, Emiya-kun. Remember to tell Sakura to come by. I have things to do now, so _go to school_!"

"T - Tohsaka - "

"Out!"

She proceeds to throw him out of her house.

And had anyone else been privy to the interaction between them, quite possibly one thing will come to mind.

As far as couples go, they are certainly the idiotic kind.

. . .

It's lunch time now.

By some miraculous effect, he has actually managed to avoid Taiga for the morning.

Or to be more specific: Taiga is actually busy dealing with a scuffle that broke out between two students... so one could say that Shirou is just lucky. For the moment. His luck probably wouldn't last him come dinner time however.

But this is good, for now.

Before him, at the archery dojo, Sakura is tilting her head. "... Senpai?"

Now, how should he inform her of Tohsaka's request?

"Hey, Sakura." He pauses.

"Yes?"

"... Are you free after school today?"

She looks at him questioningly. Oddly enough, he's reminded of how Tohsaka had looked this morning when he hedged with his query.

He wonders why he hadn't noticed the similarity till today.

"I've club practices to attend, but... is something the matter?"

Shoot. He forgot about that.

And he guesses that Rin has forgotten about it as well or she would have phrased specifically for Sakura to come after practice.

It's... unusual for Tohsaka to miss details like this.

From the corner of his eyes, he notices Shinji watching them. There is a fixed scowl on the Matou boy's face -- and strangely enough, Sakura's brother turns away after a huff.

... Now what is that supposed to mean?

This, and Tohsaka forgetting something, just increases the feeling of foreboding and fear he has.

"Senpai?"

He focuses back on the younger girl's concerned gaze.

"It's just..." he trails off, then sighs." "Sakura... I know it's selfish of me to ask you this, but do you mind skipping practice today and going to Tohsaka's place?"

Her eyebrows shoots up in surprise.

"...Eh?"

Actually, she doesn't _just_ look surprised - she seems astonished for whatever odd reason there is. He can't help but wonder if it is that strange of a request.

"...It's Tohsaka's request," he goes on to say. "She said she needed to talk to you."

Sakura looks troubled. "Tohsaka-senpai did? But that's..."

He tilts his head at her. "You don't know where she lives?"

She hesitates. "I do, but...it's just that I haven't - " she falters. "...I...I just don't usually go to that area."

Oh. So she's unfamiliar with the area?

"I can come with you if you want? It's not far from your place," he offers, then adds, "Tohsaka is not as scary as she looks, I promise."

She blinks at him.

Then, unexpectedly, she gives him a smile that is both sincere and mysterious.

"Tohsaka-senpai isn't scary. She's a nice, beautiful person."

Hm. It appears that Tohsaka is admired.

It makes him happy to hear that, but there's also not really much he could say to that in return, and to what Sakura goes on to say after that.

"I can go there myself after school, Senpai. So please don't be concerned and go back home first."

"So you have been there before?" he double checks.

"Yes," Sakura says simply.

And for some strange reason, the smile that Sakura had was full of nostalgia and a little of bittersweet sadness.

It makes him wonder when she went there before, and why.

But that is that.

He knows, instinctively, that he cannot wait at Tohsaka's place for them to finish whatever is it they need to talk about. Tohsaka, and even Sakura, gives no indication that this is something he can participate in.

So...all he can do is wait.

Despite all the questions burning in him, he will wait.

It's one of the hardest things he has ever done his whole life, and it makes him wonder what Saber would have done.

. . .  
  
 _Interlude I: Tohsaka Rin_  
/-Start-/  
  
. . .

She had loved her father dearly. She still does. He had been her goal, her pillar, and everything she had chased after since she was a child.

This is why she had striven to be a magus first before all else.

And long before the start of the Fourth Holy Grail War, when she had told her mother this with all the naivety and innocence of a child, she had not understood why the smile she was given had been so sad.

But she's older now. Tohsaka Rin has learnt that her father was a flawed man, for all the brilliant magus he may be, and why her mother had been so sad.

And deep down, even as she continues to be the best magus possible as she can - because it is her family's legacy, her responsibility, and her pride - she knows that being a magus is a complete contradiction to what she inherently is.

She has knowingly chosen a hard road to walk, but she does not falter. Because it is something she has decided to do, and she will not turn back.

However, for all the brilliant magus she is growing to be... she is still only human.

A weak, helpless human, who cannot undo years of damage wrought by her family's legacy.

This is what she realized when Shinji had approached her that afternoon after school had ended with the boy who has stolen her heart and soul watching by the door with deep concern in his gaze.

Her father was a deeply flawed man who had made mistakes. More than a few, and some of which she had to rectify herself in the past years.

This one would be the biggest yet.

And herein lies the problem - in the eyes of a magus, it would not have been a mistake. Instead, it would have been justified as the consequences of an incorrectly used tool.

But to her, it is the worst decision her father had ever made, next to trusting Kirei.

And with the bitter regret she had always felt burning so intensely now...

Her decision is clear.

She will end it with her own hands. As the heir and head of her family, this is her responsibility.

If she fails, she will simply perish alongside it.

Because Tohsaka Rin has chosen her sister over her family's legacy.

And Shirou...

She remembers the look he gave her when he asked, very quietly, if she would return to him.

Then, she tries to imagine what expression he would have on his face if she were to disappear.

And how lost he would have been.

Her eyes closes.

She doesn't even want to imagine it.

She takes in a deep breath.

At the end of the day, she supposes that there really isn't any reason to consider what will happen if she fails - because that isn’t part of the agenda.

So it really is as simple as saying this:

For so long, she had kept a distance from people who had approached her.

Yet, in a span of two weeks, Emiya Shirou had simply walked through all the barriers she erected, and took up residence in a place where she can no longer remove him from without hurting herself deeply.

And the biggest irony of this?

The idiot didn't even realize what he had done.

But she also knows well enough that, if this is the case for her, it is the same for him.

This is why failure of any level is not acceptable for what she sets out to do this time.

She will not break the promise she made to Archer.

And she will not hurt him the way Emiya Kiritsugu had.

Kiritsugu may have chosen to be a father over a magus, but she does not believe him to be a good father.

A good father would not have let his son turn out the way Emiya Shirou did, with unrealistic ideals and dreams that will sooner destroy a person than save him.

A good father would not have allowed his son to stubbornly stay on a path where he will get nothing in return for all the heart and soul he pours into chasing after his ideals, only receiving endless battles in return where he tries and tries to fulfill his dream without seeing it become reality.

She will never tell the boy this, but to her, Emiya Kiritsugu is not a good father.

For if he was, he would have realized just how _broken_ his son was since the fire so many years ago and -

Her thoughts are interrupted when the sensation of something probing gently at the boundary field surrounding the mansion touches at her awareness - as if hesitating and asking for permission to step in with a hint of timidity.

She takes in another deep breath.

Only Sakura would behave like this, she knows without having to consider it, despite the part where the younger girl had not approached this house in over a decade.

Had things gone differently…

No. She stops the thought there.

That’s a useless possibility to consider. Because Sakura is already outside, waiting for her.

So she stands, head held high, and welcomes her only family back home.

She will not lose her sister again.

. . .  
  
/-End Interlude-/  
  
. . .

Afternoon has come and gone.

He is quietly eating the dinner he prepared with Taiga energetically inhaling the food. And, for a while, only the clinking of chopsticks can be heard amidst the sound coming from the TV.

Of course, the older woman is still throwing him suspicious glances every now and then, but she is thankfully more focused on the food right now.

He has been oddly lucky today. Whatever occurred during the scuffle between the two students had consumed Taiga's attention the entire day, and the older woman returned just as food had been served.

Sooner than he would've liked it, though, dinner ends.

"Shirou." Taiga is focused on him now, with hands on her hips and lips turned downwards in a clear frown of disapproval. She also does not mince words. "What were you doing at Tohsaka-san's house yesterday?"

He's being cornered.

"Uh..." he ends up trying the one excuse he did prepare. "Tohsaka is sick," he says.

Which is basically the same one he told Rin in the morning.

Her eyebrows knits in sudden concern. "Is she okay?" A thoughtful pause. "Well, I suppose it does explain her sudden absence..."

He nods. "She's fine. Um. Better, I mean."

"But couldn't she have informed the school, Shirou?"

"I don't really think she was in the condition to, " he blurts out.

"Huh? What do you mean by that?" Taiga is looking more concerned by the minute.

Crap. He shouldn't have said that.

...Sorry, Tohsaka, he thinks in his head. He's going to have to go all out to make this believable.

"I mean, I... caught her falling over at the bus stop on the way home," he lies. Outrageously. "She was... was... uh, was trying to get to a doctor."

He hopes to god he sounds believable.

"So...I helped her go to a doctor, sent her home after that, and took care of her for the night."

For a minute or so, Taiga stares at him silently. It makes him want to fidget.

Then she speaks with a frown.

"That's no good, Shirou," she says disapprovingly. "You should have told me if she was sick, and I would have gone over. Tohsaka-san lives by herself, and it's all the more reason why you shouldn't be there alone with her all day and night as you are a boy."

She also reaches over to smack him on the head. "And you shouldn't have been out all night without informing me!"

"Y-yes..." He accepts the reprimand meekly. He also suppresses the slump of relief he felt forming on his shoulders.

Taiga has believed him.

"Come to think of it," she adopts a thoughtful look, "Should I go over and take a look since she has no one around to take care of her?"

He stares with horror rising in him.

"Actually, maybe I'll stay over for the night in case she needs help," she goes on, thinking aloud, completely unaware of the alarm bells ringing in him. Tohsaka was going to _kill him_.

"Hmm, it's not really late yet, so I should reach there before it gets too dark - "

No, he thought desperately. She can't!

"W-wait, Fuji-nee, you don't have to!"

"What? Why?" She gives him a puzzled look. "Tohsaka-san is sick, isn't she? You said she was better, but not fine yet. And if she was falling over at the bus stop, she must be feeling really bad."

Foot in mouth, check.

 _Emiya Shirou_ , he curses himself, _you are an idiot._

"Aaah, that's because… because... because I've already asked Sakura to go over!" he blurts out clumsily.

Taiga blinks at him. "Sakura-chan?"

He nods hastily. "Yes! I mean, it's..." he clears his throat and continues more calmly. "She's a girl, right? And they know each other. So I thought Tohsaka would be more comfortable around her than with me."

To his relief, Taiga nods understandingly.

"So that's why she wasn't at practice today. Sakura-chan said she had something to do, but I didn't realize it was this..."

And suddenly another displeased frown was thrown his way.

"You should have told me regardless, Shirou. It would've been better if an adult was aware of the situation," Fujimura says, her tone indicating that she's not happy with what happened, but accepting the situation nonetheless.

Actually, that just makes him feel guilty for lying.

He bows his head low. "Sorry, Fuji-nee."

Taiga sighs. "Well, you're repenting, so I won't scold you for this anymore... and Sakura-chan, huh?" she mutters.

A considering pause.

"I suppose it's a good thing," she muses, a complicated expression flitting across her face, "since it's a bit hard for me to talk to Tohsaka-san..."

His lips twitches.

That is true.

Ten out of ten times, Tohsaka would most certainly win when Fujimura tries to battle her.

. . .

A/N - Merry Christmas! ...is what I would've liked to say, but... I couldn't get this up because of poor internet. So instead, I'll say, Happy New Year.  
  
And if only Ilya was still alive by UBW's ending. I had a scene in mind I would've written for Shirou and her... sigh.

 


	3. decision

Part 3 | decision | 4,021 words  
Post UBW route, game verse.

. . .

  
He is greeted by a strange sight the next day at the school gates.  
   
Matou Sakura and Tohsaka Rin are walking side by side in silence.  
   
The younger girl is tossing hesitant glances at the other every now and then. The older one simply looks impassive.  
   
It isn’t generally strange to see two girls going to school together, but it’s a little bit different when said persons are the school idol and the second year student whose popularity had been skyrocketing.  
   
So as a result… people stare.  
   
He does, too.  
   
...And doesn’t Tohsaka look a little strange? He can’t pinpoint the exact reason, but there is something very odd with her today.  
   
The two girls stops in front of him where he waits.  
   
“Good morning, Senpai.”  
   
“Good morning, Emiya-kun.” The black-haired beauty tilts her head as she inspects him.  
   
He nods. “Morning, Sakura, Tohsaka.” A pause. “... W-why are you staring at me… ?” Her stare is making him want to fidget.  
   
She doesn’t respond for a moment.  
   
Then her hands crosses, she lets out a sigh, and -  
   
“...Forget it,” she says in a bit of a dry, resigned tone. “There’s no point, now.”  
   
“Eh?”  
   
“Tohsaka-senpai,” Sakura says but doesn’t continue, a hint of _something_ in her words.  
   
Rin huffs in response and turns away, looking strangely exasperated. “I know.”  
   
He doesn’t know what to make of this conversation.  
   
In a span of one day (less, actually), the two girls in front of him seemed to have reached an understanding of some sort regarding him that he’s not privy of.  
   
“Has…” He pauses, eyes darting between the two before settling on sharp blue eyes, and continues carefully. “Has… everything been settled?”  
   
Rin is at the school. He doesn't think she would be otherwise.  
   
All hints of humor and lighthearted exasperation vanishes from her expression.  
   
“No.”  
   
She looks him in the eye, and says the hard truth in such a straight-forward manner.  
   
And he can see Sakura’s gaze dropping to the floor with a mixture of uncertainty and worry in her expression.  
   
Something like fear thrums at his chest again.  
   
“Shirou.”  
   
Her voice is calm and steady and it cuts through the muddled feelings growing in him.  
   
Azure eyes, sharp and bright, stares right at him and through him.  
   
"I'm here to inform the school I'll be away for the next few days, in order to resolve some family matters. It would have been irresponsible for me to be absent for too long without notifying them, after all."  
   
She doesn't explain further.  
   
She has already told him all that she needed to that day, at her house.  
   
Still something in what she says nags at him. “Family matters?”  
   
Something bitter crosses her expression, but he can’t be sure.  
   
“...Perhaps an oversimplification,” she says after a moment. “But that’s essentially it.”  
   
From the corner of his eyes, he watches Sakura’s grip on her bag tighten.  
   
He doesn’t know what to say to that.  
   
Actually, he does, but he has told himself firmly that he will wait, no matter how hard it is.  
   
Silence encompasses them.  
   
Until, at last, Rin breaks it with a completely different topic.  
   
“By the way,” she looks at him, very, very casually and with a disturbingly perfect _smile_. “In order to better coordinate what I need to tell Fujimura-sensei, do you mind telling me what you told her about that day, Emiya-kun?”  
   
He swallows.  
   
He has forgotten about it.

. . .

These are her passing words just before she excuse herself to go to the faculty room.  
   
“If you are free, spend some time with me after school.”  
   
It’s an odd request, even for Tohsaka.  
   
He does as she asks.  
   
He feels that he should.  
   
Her calm eyes did not betray what she felt, and her expression remained poker-faced, but -- for some reason, he sensed that this was important to her.  
   
So he goes.  
   
But then… even if it isn't important and merely a whim of hers, he would still go.  
   
He steps onto the school rooftop.  
Her back is to him again.  
   
Her gaze is at the distant city beyond the fence and the blue and slightly yellow sky. The wind caresses her long dark hair in gentle waves.  
   
Her arms are folded, and she stands motionless.  
   
And once again that feeling comes to him.  
   
It’s as if she’s carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Yet somehow, she manages to stand tall still without faltering.  
   
He walks towards her, and stops when he's a foot behind her.  
   
"...Tohsaka?"  
   
She gives him no response.  
   
For a moment, he hesitates before putting a hand on her shoulder.  
   
A small shoulder.  
   
She stiffens momentarily.  
   
Then she relaxes under his hand with a sigh, and her body falls back to rest on his chest. His hands automatically moves to press on her shoulders to keep them balanced.  
   
“T - Tohsaka?”  
   
Her eyes closes, hiding whatever turmoil she is feeling from him. To him, it is as if she's been drained emotionally.  
   
And suddenly, he realizes what exactly felt amiss when he saw her this morning.  
   
She’s a shade too pale. She’s actually trembling a little. Sweat dots her forehead. And she’s beyond caring who may come up to the roof and catching sight of them. Not that she actually _does_ care, but that doesn’t mean either of them are in the habit of looking for an uproar.  
   
The strong girl resting on him is exhausted in more ways than one. She didn’t fall back onto him on purpose, he realizes suddenly, she fell back _involuntarily_ in a fit of dizziness.  
   
"Hey… do you have a fever?"  
   
Tohsaka shifts, a palm pressing against his chest for leverage as she keeps herself upright.  
   
"Sorry," her other hand rubs against her face, "I'm just a little tired. I'll be fine in a moment."  
   
No, she won't, his mind tells him factually.  
   
"I think that's a bit of an understatement," he says slowly, hands hovering nearby just in case she falls over.  
   
He wants to know what she has been doing that caused her to be like this, and he honestly is struggling to _not_ ask.  
   
The soft chuckle that comes from her is a little self- deprecating, and oddly vulnerable.  
   
"You're right,” she agrees, her palm a gentle warmth against his chest. "I can normally handle it just fine, but..." She trails off with a sigh.  
   
Tohsaka is saying something strange again, and he thinks he’s reaching the end of his tolerance.  
   
"Handle what?" He asks.  
   
"My - ngh - " she goes weak, hand fisting in on his shirt, and almost drops.  
   
He pulls her to him immediately before she can crack her head onto the floor.  
   
She sags into him without resistance. Her breath is faint against his collarbone, and its a cool tickle against his skin.  
   
"I'm taking you to the infirmary," he tells her, his hands wrapping around her small frame, and half of his mind is already thinking about how to get her there as soon as possible --  
   
"Don't." Her grip on his shirt tightens.  
   
Despite the exhaustion, she is firm.  
   
"I'll be fine in a moment, Shirou. This isn’t - it’s not a fever."  
   
And her words are effective enough to make him hesitate, if only because he senses that there is no lie in her words.  
   
But he can do this, at least.  
   
Without warning, he sweeps her up into his arms, and she startles.  
   
“Shirou!”  
She’s light.  
   
That is the first thing he realizes.  
   
The second thing he realizes is that there may be trouble tomorrow because they are in plain sight of students at the school field track, and of anyone who may come to the roof.  
   
He makes a beeline for the other side of the roof, where people are unlikely to find them, and where the wind is blocked.  
   
She’s surprised enough that she had not said anything else beyond his name, and he deposits her to the floor gently, plopping himself down next to her.  
   
Silence descends on them.  
   
She’s staring at him, and it makes him want to hedge.  
   
He clears his throat, scratches his cheek, and looks up at the sky to avoid her curious, probing blue eyes. “D - do you want a drink or anything? Some warm tea or coffee should do you good.”  
   
“...”  
   
“...”  
   
This silence is painful.  
   
Her stare is even more painful.  
   
“It’s fine,” she says finally. “I’m not thirsty, and...I can’t trouble you that much.”  
   
She lets out another soft sigh, and leans her head against his shoulder.  
   
He freezes.  
   
“...You don’t mind, do you?” the devil asks, clearly aware of his nervousness and amused by it. “Let me borrow your shoulder for a bit.”  
   
He glares down at her black head in displeasure. “I know what you are doing,” he says accusingly, but doesn't remove her.  
   
For all the teasing that she's doing, he knows that her exhaustion is real.  
   
She huffs out a quiet chuckle. “That’s because your reaction is fun to watch.”  
   
“Hmph.”  
   
“Don’t sulk,” she says, still amused. “I really do appreciate your consideration for me, you know.”  
   
And there’s honest affection in her words.  
   
Tohsaka is being really, _really_ strange today.  
   
"And... sorry, Emiya-kun, for being a burden today." Her tone turns wry. "This wasn't really how I planned for this to go."  
   
She still looks pale to him.  
   
"This is not a fever?" he asks for confirmation.  
   
For a moment, she is silent.  
   
Then she shifts, opting to lean back against the wall, the better to look him in the eye properly.  
   
"No," she says with a sigh. "This... is caused by my magic crest."  
   
His brows furrows.  
   
"Imagine having to implant your ancestors onto your arm," she explains, "and the weight it will have."  
   
   
"Now translate that weight to something that feels like pressure on the nerves."  
   
... When she puts it that way, it doesn't sound like a really nice thing to have. In fact, it sounds like torture. In more than one way.  
   
"But like I said, that's not an issue. I'm used to it. There are just some rare occasions when it catches me off guard."  
   
 _Tohsaka,_ he wants to say to her, _doesn't that mean you can't ever let your guard down against it?_  
   
Instead, he asks, "and it caught you off guard this time because...?"  
   
That she doesn’t respond, this time, is telling.

. . .

He breaks the silence.  
   
“So… what do you need?”  
   
“...That’s a rude way of putting it, Emiya-kun. Can I not just say I want to spend time with you?”  
   
That would be nice, but he knows her better than that.  
   
“And that’s a highly skeptical look,” she tells him as she observes his expression, a mild glare on her face. “Is that really hard to believe?”  
   
They are falling back into familiar patterns of light banter.  
   
“Well…” he gives her a pointed look. “Was that the intention?”  
   
She glares at him a little more, then huffs.  
   
“...Not really,” she admits then. “B-but don’t make it sound as if I asked you to come here because I needed you for something. That’s not why, and that doesn’t - “ she stops, cheeks warming, then continues anyway despite it. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to spend time with you, o-okay?”  
It’s his turn to go red. "O...okay."  
   
He just wanted to tease her, so he wasn’t actually expecting her to outright say that.  
   
Awkward silence reigns.  
   
...And he can’t help but think that this is going to be the norm for the two of them.  
   
He clears his throat. "So...what is it?"  
   
She doesn't answer.  
   
"..."  
   
"..."  
   
"...Tohsaka?"  
   
Oh. She's turning a little red. She's also pointedly not looking at him.  
   
He doesn't know why though.  
   
"...ntrac..." She mutters.  
   
What was that? "Huh?"  
   
"I said... I need to talk about our contract."  
   
Contract...?  
   
Oh...oh. Uh.  
   
His throat goes dry at the reminder of their first time.  
   
Then the second, more recent one...even though they didn't do it for the contract.  
   
Her warmth, her touch, her taste -  
   
"W-what about it?" His neck feels inexplicably warm.  
   
"How much prana do you have right now?"  
   
He felt he had to clarify. "...Including yours?"  
   
"...Yes."  
   
"Double...maybe a bit more, of what I used to have." It was much less compared to that last day of the holy grail war, but it wasn't as if he had a need to tap into them.  
   
And needlessly said, what contract they made had been permanent, but this is the first time she brought it up since then.  
   
"I see." A thoughtful expression takes over her flush, and the back of her hand touches at her lip.  
   
He can almost hear the gears turning in her head.  
   
Then she sighs. "Well, I guess I did expect something like that anyway."  
   
That doesn't tell him anything. At all.  
   
"Would Tohsaka-san care to explain to the plebeian next to her...?" he asks a little dryly.  
   
The look she sends him is slightly discontented, as if saying, _That’s rude, Emiya-kun_.  
   
She does explain like he knows she would though.  
   
"Since there wasn't a need to provide you with prana any longer, I've stopped transferring them... consciously, that is."  
   
A pause.  
   
"But even if I’m not actually trying to provide you with any, this is a one-way connection that is already open. It means a little bit of what I have will always flow into you, and you can actually pull it out of me if you need to. Does that make sense?"  
   
In other words, its a little bit like a leaking pipe. Tohsaka may have shut it, but droplets may still leak out if the pipe itself had already been tampered with.  
   
... But wait.  
   
Something else she said has caught his attention.  
   
"Did you just say I can pull out more from you?"  
   
Her discontented look grows for some reason. "You can, but only if I don't resist it."  
   
That makes more sense. Why she looks mad though, is beyond him.  
   
Wait...  
   
"...Have I been doing that?"  
   
She doesn't answer. Her silence speaks volumes.  
   
"O-oh..."  
   
She huffs. "Forget it. I'm not even concerned about that since you only do it during training, and its not as if you did it consciously then or that time. You don’t use much, anyway."  
   
"I... I see." He doesn't know what to say to that. So what is she mad about if not that?  
   
Then he pauses.  
   
"... That time?"  
   
"When you fought Gilgamesh."  
   
The reminder of that Servant makes something in him go phantom hot, cold, then hot again.  
   
"Regardless," she breaks him out of his reverie and old battle scars, "like I said, its not a problem. That's not why I wanted to talk about this."  
   
That still doesn’t answer what she’s mad about, but he doesn’t have the opportunity to ask because she isn’t done speaking.  
   
Her eyes catches his own.  
   
"I'm telling you this because there may be a chance that the prana flow from me to you may be cut off completely for a little while today or tomorrow." She tells him this calmly. "So don't be alarmed if that happens."  
   
That makes him frown. "Why would that happen? What are you up to, Tohsaka?"  
   
"Its nothing major," she says offhand. "Just something that may use up the majority of my reserves, so it might also affect what you are getting."  
   
...When he first met Tohsaka, he hadn't known what her nonchalant behavior implied.  
   
But that was then.  
   
The more careless she seems, he knows now, means the more major this something would be.  
   
The feeling of foreboding that he has grows.  
   
“... Don’t put on such a difficult expression, Shirou.”  
   
He focuses back on her, suddenly realizing he had zoned out.  
   
The smile she’s giving him is a little bit regretful, a little bit sad, a little bit sincere, but mostly warm and bittersweet and affectionate in a way that he doesn’t think that he will ever forget.  
   
He doesn’t know what expression he had that made her smile like this.  
   
“This is just something I need to do,” she tells him quietly, “... Well, one of the two, at least. This one comes first, though.”  
   
Her words are as calm and as soft as that night in her room, and there’s a glimmer of something in her vivid blue eyes that speaks of the resolve quietly burning in her.  
   
It makes him swallow back all the questions that had been at the tip of his tongue.  
   
“...That’s all I needed to tell you,” she says after a moment, and glances out briefly, past the fence and into the sky that’s growing yellow and a little bit orange, “and I’ve to go now. Thank you for coming to meet me, Shirou.”  
   
He nods mutely.  
   
He can’t say the words he want to, because he knows the answer she will give is no.  
   
He can’t tell her to stay with him.  
   
And she’s watching the expressions playing on his face, her blue eyes inexplicably soft.  
   
“... Actually, one more thing,” she says then.  
   
“Huh?”  
   
A flash of blue.  
   
She grabs the collar of his shirt without warning, pulls him down until his head was even with hers, and catches his lips with hers.  
   
His eyes widens in surprise.  
   
Her mouth is insistent against his, and he doesn’t know if he made _that_ sound or if she did or if they both did, but it makes him _move_.  
   
His hand curls around the side of her neck, touching on the collarbone and stray strands of dark hair, and his kisses are hard and hungry and desperate, only to be tempered by her softer ones.  
   
She’s sweet and warm to the taste, and he wants _more_.  
   
After... he doesn’t know how long, but he doesn’t think it had been long despite that it felt like forever, she pulls away, her forehead resting on his, cheeks flushed, and her rapid breathing on his skin.  
   
He chases only to be stopped by her cool fingers on his lips.  
   
“I have to go,” she whispers.  
   
And her eyes - a vivid, glimmering deep blue that are often so sharp and too perceptive, is all he sees right now.  
   
“Thank you,” she murmurs then, her words faint and warm against him, “for tolerating my selfishness.”  
   
Then she goes, leaving behind a lingering warmth that’s ghostly enough that he wonders if he is merely imagining what just happened.  
   
In his mind, her words feel a little like goodbye and a promise of a future all rolled together into one, and he can’t even explain why because that is contradictory in so many ways.  
   
But Tohsaka Rin has always been self-contradictory.

. . .

“...I’m done, Issei.”  
   
“Thanks, Emiya. You’re a life saver.”  
   
“Is there anything else to be fixed?” he asks as he starts packing equipment back into the toolbox.  
   
Silence is his answer.  
   
He glances up. “Issei?”  
   
“Emiya,” his friend says then, “while I do really appreciate your help, I think those can wait. It’s getting really late now, isn’t it?”  
   
Is it?  
   
He glances out the window.  
   
The sky had become a mix of orange and grey.  
   
“Aah,” he rubs the back of his head and turns back to look at Issei. “You are right. I didn’t notice the time.”  
   
The other boy is observing him with a frown.  
   
“You look troubled today, Emiya. Do you want to talk about it?”  
   
He pauses.  
   
Honestly, he wouldn’t know where to begin even if he wanted to.  
   
All he knows is that, ever since Rin has left the roof, he had started intermittently checking his prana levels.  
   
Just in case there is an unusual drop.  
   
Which is silly and stupid and ridiculous because he would know immediately if there was a sudden drop anyway. It’s his body, and her prana flowing in his circuits like fresh cold water from the river sliding through and around him. It’s a sensation that’s completely different from his own that’s more like hot air and sand and steel on his nerves -  
   
“Emiya?”  
   
And he will never tell her this, but feeling a part of her running through his veins is a constant source of comfort for him.  
   
Yet, despite knowing these - he is unable to stop himself from checking periodically.  
   
“Emiya. _Emiya_.”  
   
He blinks.  
   
“O-oh, sorry, Issei.”  
   
There is a half-scowl and half-concerned look on his friend’s face. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Tohsaka, does it?”  
   
“Huh? W-why would you say that?”  
   
“You don’t have a very good poker face, Emiya.” A pause. “Not that it’s a bad thing, mind you. Don’t ever learn to be like that fox.”  
   
 _That's an impossible task for me, Issei._  
   
“I - I see,” he says instead.  
   
“You have been distracted ever since she has been absent,” Issei points out with displeasure. “ _And_ of course it culminates in you looking terrible today the moment she comes back from whatever shenanigans she is up to.”  
   
“Oh…” Was he that obvious? He didn’t think he was _that_ obvious.  
   
Ryuudou’s discontented look grows. “She’s really turned her wiles on you, didn’t she?” A disapproving scowl. “Come with me to the temple, Emiya. Meditation and cleansing under the waterfall will do you good in removing her taint. It’s time to repent and remove her influence.”  
   
Ahaha… ha.  
   
“Tohsaka’s really not that bad…” he trails off.  
   
“Hmmpfh. She’s already gotten to you.” Issei looks annoyed.  
   
Now, isn’t that a bit odd? Shirou was actually half expecting his friend to start shaking him by the shoulders and demanding he repent.  
   
In fact, the other boy is being rather mild where Rin is concerned.  
   
“Issei… are you worried about Tohsaka?”  
   
Said person’s mouth drops open in shock.  
   
“W-what? Of course not!” the scowl turns into a sharp glare. “There’s no way I’d be concerned about that fox - I’m more concerned about what she’s been doing and what she’s planning!”  
   
...Well. Put that way, Shirou can't exactly say he disagrees. She didn't exactly specify what she's doing or was planning, but she didn't make it a secret that something very, very serious is going on.  
   
"And it looks like you are too, Emiya," Issei observes.  
   
"Eh, well..."  
   
"And this is unlike you, isn't it? I'm surprised you didn't try to find out what's going on."  
   
"..."  
   
That is true.  
   
Her resolve, and that _look_ in her gaze had been very effective in holding him back.  
   
He knows its because she doesn't want him to be involved. And her silence tells him, _there is nothing you can do, Shirou. Not this time._  
   
But is there really nothing he can do?  
   
Nothing at all?  
   
...That’s wrong.  
   
There’s no way he can claim there’s nothing he can do when he didn’t even _try_.  
   
It doesn’t matter what Tohsaka says in this instance, there is just _no way_.  
   
He may not be able to interfere in her battle because he knows it’s important to her like how his was with Archer, but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing he can _do_.  
   
“Emiya? You are zoning out again.”  
   
He blinks rapidly at his friend.  
   
Issei is still speaking with crossed arms, a displeased look on his face.  
   
“Really, what has that fox done with you…?”  
   
 _She made me go all crazy over her_.  
   
And he’s quite possibly the biggest idiot on earth.  
   
“Emiya!” his friend scowls. “Are you listening?”  
   
He focuses back on Issei, suddenly feeling an urge to just _grin_.  
   
“Issei.” He claps a strong hand on the other boy’s shoulder, who startles. “Thank you.”  
   
“Huh? W-wha..?”  
   
“I got to go.” He quickly moves to stash the toolbox into the cupboard.  
   
“O-oh...okay. Are you sure you’re alright, Emiya?”  
   
“Perfect!” he calls out, already speeding out the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Issei!”  
   
“Don’t run in the hallway, Emiya!”  
   
This once, he ignores that.  
   
And he runs to the Tohsaka residence. 

. . .


	4. a costly gift

Part 4 | a costly gift | 3,719 words  
Post UBW route, game verse.

_BGM:[This Illusion (Realta Nua - piano ver)](https://listenonrepeat.com/?v=M3aSI5E5aoE#PS_Vita_Fate%2Fstay_night_Realta_nua_OST_2012_-_THIS_ILLUSION_piano)_

. . .

_Interlude II: Matou Sakura  
/-Start-/_

_. . ._

"Sakura," her not-sister greets. "Come in."

It is an impossible request (order?).

But Tohsaka Rin says it so clearly, just like that.

Blue eyes, deep and calm, rests on her.

Her feet remains rooted to the ground.

"I - " she falters. "But it's - that's…"

Her grip on her bag handle tightens and she looks down at her feet.

For a moment, the two girls who were once sisters do not speak.

A deep breath comes from the older one.

"Sakura," her not-sister says then, evenly.

She flinches despite how calm the voice is, as if she had been struck.

Silence.

This is when Tohsaka Rin moves, stepping away from the door to in front of her.

A cool finger lifts her chin up gently and she startles.

It sends a tingling warmth down her skin because - because it's the first time her not-sister has touched her since over a decade ago.

Sharp blue meets hesitant purple.

"This is my household now, Sakura," that strong, calm voice says. "No harm will come to you here. I promise you that."

Something bitter and sad flickers in those azure eyes, so quickly that Sakura thinks she's imagining it, and then Rin gestures at the open door.

It makes the younger girl take a deep, trembling breath.

With another hesitant glance at the Tohsaka heir whose visage betrays nothing, she steps into a house that she hasn't entered for over a decade.

A wave of bittersweet nostalgia hits her.

If she only realizes how her life will be irrevocably changed, again, by that one moment.

. . .

The conversation that they have is, to put it simply, awkward and stilted.

It goes something like this:

"How have you been doing, Sakura?"

"I'm… I'm good. Tohsaka-senpai, are you alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"...You were absent without notice."

"Ah."

Silence.

She hesitates. She doesn't know what to make of that response. It's less of an answer and more of an _I see_.

The silence stretches.

"I'm fine," the older girl says then.

"Th… that's good."

"It seems that I've worried you. I apologize."

She shakes her head. "Please don't," she says awkwardly. "It was just strange, that's all."

"I see."

The grandfather clock ticks in the ensuing lack of sound.

She hesitates from asking the questions she really, really wants to. It ranges from _why were you absent_ to _why did you want to see me_ to _what happened with nii-san_ to _are you really okay_ to _why -_

"He raped you."

She stops breathing.

Just like that, Tohsaka Rin ends the awkward and meaningless conversation they were having abruptly as if there is no longer any patience that can be offered.

The older girl says this factually, calm and collected with only the tiniest hint of ice in her quiet voice.

Those deep azure eyes, however, contain a storm of rage that is held back so tightly.

And it makes her feel a trickle of fear.

She stares at her not-sister with wide eyes.

"What - Tohsaka-senpai, I don't - "

"How long," comes the interruption, still very evenly, "do you intend to keep up this facade?"

Her throat goes dry.

She doesn't understand.

She doesn't _understand_.

"I have had time to think for the past three days, Sakura. Three days since I discovered what was going on. Three days, and I'm still finding it difficult to think this through calmly. And do you know why?"

She swallows. Was this why the older girl had been absent? Because of her? But - impossible. There's no way -

_Impossible._

"T -Tohsaka-senpai," her voice is shaking, "I don't know where this is coming from - "

"Matou Shinji is the one who personally told me he had been raping you repeatedly. Are you telling me that he's lying, Sakura?"

Her mouth snaps shut.

"Had we not been at an open area where anyone could have seen us," the heir to Tohsaka says icily, "I would have killed him where he stood when he confessed it to me. So if you are implying that Matou Shinji had lied to me, to my face, about the vile acts he has done, you will tell me should he be foolish enough to show up in front of me in the future, _I will kill him where he stands._ "

She stares.

She just _stares_ , as if it is all she is capable of doing right now; something in her chest squeezed impossibly tight.

This is the first time anyone has said anything like this to her.

All this time...

All these _years_.

The older girl has more to say.

"If you do not refute that, you will stay here." It is not a request the Tohsaka heir was making. "Or if you do not want to stay here, you will stay at Emiya-kun's place. You will not stay at Matou's residence. I will not have that _decrepit old man_ lay his hands on you again. Do you understand me, Sakura?"

Something in the back of her throat is trembling, and she can barely see how furious those azure eyes are with her vision now blurring.

Uncontrollable fury on her behalf.

A readiness to kill.

An oath of protection.

And - and… her sister, _her sister_ -

_Her sister has finally come for her._

"Nee… san." No other words will come to her beyond that.

For some reason, perhaps it is caused by what she had just said, Tohsaka Rin takes a deep, shaky breath; the rage is replaced by something infinitely sad, and bittersweet. It makes her feel as if an ethereal fist has grasped her heart tightly.

Then, the older girl reaches out for her and gently brushes cool fingers against the tears she had not realized are falling down her cheeks.

She just stares up at Tohsaka, unable to speak the words she wants to say.

"I will not make you recount what happened," Rin says evenly. "And I will not pretend to understand. Because I cannot. And we have… too much history between us for you to trust me. But if there ever comes a time that you want to talk about it, Sakura, all I ask is for you to let me fulfill the role of an older sister that I should have taken long ago."

She shudders out a choked breath, a hard lump forming in her throat.

With that one phrase, Tohsaka Rin has swept through all the walls she had in place to hide herself from the world.

And just like that, she begins to weep uncontrollably on her sister who holds her for the first time in a decade.

. . .

This is what it all culminates into the next day.

They are in the basement of Tohsaka's residence, and for one brief, terrifying moment when she stands at the top of the stairs, all she sees are _worms wriggling on the floor -_

"Sakura."

The image disappears, replaced by tables, books, scattered jewels and the scent of old paper and wood.

And her sister, at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at her with calm, piercing blue eyes tinted gold by the soft candle light.

She breathes.

After a moment, Rin speaks again, her gaze watchful and all too perceptive.

"I cannot undo the damage that Zouken has done," the older girl says evenly; her words contain no lies. "I probably cannot even remove all the...taints."

There's something incredibly bitter lurking behind her sister's quiet words, and it makes her both sad and strangely happy for reasons she cannot comprehend.

"...But, Sakura?"

A deceptively casual tone.

"Know that I'll destroy those damnable worms even if that's the last thing I do."

There is nothing but the truth and a silently burning resolve lurking beneath Tohsaka Rin's cool voice, and it makes Sakura's heart ache for so many reasons that she can't bring herself to think of right now because she might just cry again if she does.

Her eyes close, and she takes in another deep breath.

Her eyes open.

No worms.

The tight grip she had on the railings loosens. Just a bit.

There are no worms. Just tables, books, jewels...and her sister, watching her quietly with calm eyes.

She breathes.

And slowly, she descends down to the basement with shaky steps.

Rin gestures towards the center of the room as she touched down on the floor.

"Sit in the middle. I will join you shortly." A pause. "Don't step on the markings - they are wet."

She looks further in, and freezes.

A thick, intricately designed red circle. Dark red, like blood, and a salty metallic scent that she had not noticed earlier -

"N-nee-san," she breathes out, "whose… whose blood..."

"Don't be alarmed. Its just the blood of an animal," her sister says carelessly. "You may not have kept up with your magus training, but you should know this, Sakura. Blood is a common catalyst for us."

That is true. Not always, but it is common.

She breathes in deeply, tries not to be bothered by the scent, and carefully makes her way to the center.

Her eyes roam around the circle as she does so - there are some symbols she recognizes fuzzily but can't quite recall what they are for; most though are foreign to her.

Is this really done with an animal's blood?

It's so red…

She shakes her head, and takes another deep breath.

Then she watches the other move around the basement at a sedate pace, picking up a jewel here and there, placing them at specific points -

"What… are all these for?"

"A means for me to get prana from the leyline beneath us." A pause. "Ordinarily this wouldn't have been my first choice, but since the only healer I know who may possibly be able to remove the worms is no longer alive, we will have to use a different method."

There's someone out there who could have removed those abominable worms?

"A healer… who...?"

"...Hmph. Perhaps calling him even that is too high a praise." There's something approaching bitter amusement in Rin's thinly veiled insult, and it puzzles Sakura a little.

The older girl is still speaking though, so she doesn't have the opportunity to ask. "Regardless, he is dead, so it's not worth discussing that possibility. Don't worry about it, Sakura."

"I… I see."

Questions are bubbling at the back of her throat as she watches her sister move, but she holds them back.

Silence reigns.

Then when Rin glances at her during a lull as she flips through an old book and picking up another jewel…

With a tilted head, the black-haired girl regards her with perceptive eyes. "If you have questions, you should ask them now."

She blinks up at her sister. "Oh. Um… I'm - I'm just not sure...how this is going to work, Toh - N-nee-san."

Despite herself, she still stumbles over the honorific. It's not strange to say it, but it's strange to be able to say it to _her_.

Rin didn't seem to mind. "I'm not a healer," are the frank words. "I can't do the things Kirei can probably do - that is, to remove the worms directly from you via surgery."

Kirei… Kirei?

The name was familiar and nostalgic in her mind.

Ah.

Kotomine Kirei, she remembers now. A man with shadowed, empty eyes. A man who came by the Matou residence one day to meet Uncle Kariya… she still remembers the feeling of something innately wrong about him that she could not describe, and it had made her hide in her room.

So Kirei was the healer that her sister was talking about?

And he is... dead?

It makes her wonder how he died, and for a brief moment - the thought saddens her. That is another person from her childhood, gone.

She hopes that he had a peaceful death, at the very least.

And it makes her wonder if - if Father, and Mother, had a peaceful death as well.

...When was the last time she had thought about them?

"Of course," her sister continues to speak as she moves, "I checked with the new supervisor to see what she can do but unfortunately she does not have the skill set suited for this task. And we can't afford to wait for someone suitable to come along - Zouken is bound to notice eventually now that I've taken you out of that place. So we will have to do this differently."

"Differently?" she asks curiously.

Rin pauses - no, the girl actually seems to be hesitating.

"Nee-san?"

Her sister turns to face her fully and meets her gaze.

"I'll inject prana into you and burn the worms into nothing."

Her eyes go wide. "How - you can do that…?"

Something wry crosses Rin's expression. "As I said, it wouldn't have been my first choice."

It does explain why the older girl wanted the prana from the leyline beneath the Tohsaka residence, though. She watches Rin resume her work around the basement.

Prana to burn the worms...

"In most cases I wouldn't have attempted this," her sister quietly admits. "But it is possible with you."

Just her?

She tilts her head at Rin questioningly.

"We are of the same blood, Sakura. And even with Matou's magic tainting you, the Tohsaka leyline and magic had recognized you." A quiet, dry chuckle as Rin touches at her left arm. "And trust me when I say this - it does not like that Matou has warped you."

The expression on her sister's face then - it reminds her of when Rin had openly flinched in surprise and grasped at her left arm tightly while assessing Sakura's condition.

So... that had been the Tohsaka crest reacting to the foreign entity in her and not her sister shrinking back in rejection from the discovery of what had been in her.

The thought of it soothes hurt feelings she didn't realize she had till just now, and with it comes an odd feeling of relief.

...What a misunderstanding to have. She lets out a slow, guilty breath.

But at the same time, despite not having kept up with her magic studies properly, she is well aware that her sister is about to attempt something highly experimental.

She doesn't even think it has been done before - and she can't help but voice her hesitation because of it.

"Is - is this really... ?"

"When these worms can potentially turn you into a puppet and a heretic, it is not okay to keep them in you."

A calm tone that belies the unspeakable fury she had a glimpse of when the older girl had assessed her condition. It doesn't answer her question but instead says why it needs to be done.

 _I know,_ she wants to say. _I know, but..._

"As much as I am loath to admit it," Rin says, "the books Shinji gave me for this has helped, and I've had time to look through them the past few days. He has no qualifications to be a magus, but I'll praise him for being good at sneaking around like the rat he is."

A small part of her felt like she needed to defend her brother.

But a bigger part of her is still hanging onto the other thing Rin had mentioned.

"Nii-san… Nii-san did that?"

Her sister goes still for some reason, motions pausing in placing another jewel.

Then the older girl straightens and turns to her with dark, piercing eyes.

"Do not thank him." Cold, icy words. "He has done nothing to deserve it."

Despite herself, she flinches at the harsh, ruthless words and looks down at her hands.

After a pause, Rin speaks again.

"Doing this will be dangerous," her sister says quietly, almost casually. "I won't deny it."

And there is something in that soft voice that makes her look up at her sister again.

Those vivid blue eyes are deadly serious, and that gaze searches her own, asking things that are not said. It ranges from, _are you okay with this_ to _will you gamble on this with me_ to _are you willing to put your life in my hands_ and -

It is the last, hidden question that makes her want to reach out to her sister despite all the history between them and the hidden resentment she had always felt, one that had grown incredibly ever since Senpai and her grew closer.

_...Do you trust me, Sakura?_

She never knew Tohsaka Rin could give that kind of look.

It makes her take in a deep breath and meet her sister directly in the eye. "I understand, Nee-san."

Something like surprise flickers in that usually sharp gaze, and then Rin smiles a small, quiet smile that she thinks she will remember forever.

"I see," is all her sister says before returning to the books and jewels.

For some reason, it makes her smile, too.

No more words are spoken.

Until, at last, her sister joins her at the center of the circle, sitting in front of her, rolling up the sleeve of her left hand.

"I'm going to start now." It's a half warning and a half question of _are you ready?_

A soft, green glow emanates from that arm, and she can feel the heat coming out of that palm that is outstretched towards her -

Her heart thunders in her chest, and she swallows nervously.

"Brace yourself, Sakura. This will hurt."

And it did.

So, so much.

. . .

Midway through, a wind churned by the prana around them causes the light from the candle to flicker even as books fly open; the circle beneath them glowing a deep red and the arm a bright green.

She is used to pain, had learnt to bear it stoically while resigned to her fate, but that doesn't mean she can't _feel_ it, and oh god it _hurts it hurts it hurts_ -

There is something that sounds like static electricity runs through the air, and she can feel a stabbing pressure on her nerves, and a sensation like ants crawling through her veins; her chest hot and cold all at once - it makes her gasp, unable to move, escape, or breathe properly - and yet, somehow, despite it all, this registers in her clouded mind.

She sees her sister gritting her teeth through hazy vision, that outstretched arm trembling, and sweat that dots the pale forehead and trickling down the face. There is pain in that gaze, ragged breathing, and a look of forced calm -

 _Nee-san_ , she realizes belatedly, _Nee-san is in agony too._

But why - why would -

"...Tsk." Her sister smiles through the pain. "Shinji was right."

A brilliant, beautiful, and determined smile.

She's confused. "W - what -"

"The worms will go after anyone who tries to remove them. Damn that Zouken." Tohsaka Rin says it so easily, with something akin to light humor and cold, clinical approval. "I don't know when, but that wily old man had predicted someone would come for you."

Despite the pressure on her nerves that feels more like needles on her skin, something in her mind stops at that.

Her sister knew the danger of doing this and had not told her.

Her sister had sworn to free her, despite it all.

Her sister is being _assailed._

_...But, Sakura?_

The words she should have paid attention to echo in her mind.

_Know that I'll destroy those damnable worms even if that's the last thing I do._

Oh god.

Oh god.

No. No no _no -_

How could - why - _why_ -

"D -" Sakura gasps out too late, "don't - Nee-san -!"

She is ignored.

"St - stop - !" She tries to scramble backwards. If this continues - no - she can't let it happen - she _can't_ -

But it's a useless gesture. She cannot move, just like her sister cannot because they have formed a connection that cannot be forcibly broken, and the worms are already targeting Tohsaka Rin through it.

 _And her sister knew this would happen_.

"... Hmph." A careless scoff.

In those vivid azure eyes, there is a clear, burning resolve that belies the unconcerned way Tohsaka Rin speaks.

"If I can rebuild a heart for Shirou, I can certainly do this."

What? What did she just -

"One last push, Sakura."

The pressure increases.

This time, she does scream.

. . .

It ends.

Her vision returns to her as the red glow around them fades.

Her nerves feel raw and numb, her mouth is dry and thick, and fatigue permeates her to the bone.

Had she been in a better condition than she currently is, she might have felt a sensation of something different within her.

Something like cold streams of water from the river - _her sister's prana_ \- running through her veins, and a body that's strangely lighter than it was for the past decade.

Sakura doesn't know if Rin is successful. She can't tell, not with how everything felt so raw right now. And she can't even begin to guess, because... because...

She chokes out a sob.

In front of her, Tohsaka Rin's left arm trembles; the glow on it a pale, sickly green before it fades completely.

Blue eyes, exhausted yet glimmering with triumph.

"... Heh. What did I tell you?"

Her sister's weak words are filled with knowing arrogance and _I told you so._

She stares through blurry eyes.

Vivid, deep azure that is tinted gold by the soft candlelight watches her.

Then, a soft sigh.

"...Really." It's a faint, exasperated murmur that's somehow warm and kind all at once. "You and Shirou are alike in the worst way possible."

That trembling hand reaches for her cheek, brushing away tears she didn't realize was there.

"Stop… giving me that look already," her older sister mutters, almost too faint to be heard. "It... makes me sad, you know. Geez."

And then...

Tohsaka Rin crumples.

Like a puppet without strings, she falls on the younger girl, and goes still.

. . .

/-End interlude-/

. . .

A/N - Well... I guess I should at least say that I'm not about to start debating about the technicalities in the Nasu-verse, nor am I about to start explaining how this and that works in detail. There's too many to consider, and I'd rather not set off a bomb.

But otherwise, I hope this was a good chapter. Cheers!


	5. heart

Part 5 | heart | 3,773 words  
Post UBW route, game verse.

. . .

When he reaches her house and stands in front of the door, all he feels is so much prana saturating the house, and a ground that seemed to tremble ever so slightly under his feet.

His hackles rises immediately.

And then he freezes.

There's a faint whisper of a desperate cry that he can barely catch reaching his ears, and it makes his blood run cold.

He can't tell what is being said, but -

It's Sakura. He knows it's Sakura.

And he suddenly realizes he can't feel _her_ anymore.

When did Tohsaka's prana flow trickle to a stop?

His stomach churns.

What had she done? Why did she need so much prana? Is she okay? Is she injured? And why - why _didn't he stop her -_

_Is she de -_

He slams down that thought with a sharp breath, and jerkily, he tries to twist the door knob that doesn't budge.

It's locked. Shit. The barrier - no, it can't be the barrier. The barrier is only active when no one is in.

In other words, he just needs a key.

His mind races. He doesn't have the key _and he should have taken a set with him_ , but - but -

He takes in a deep breath. He's not waiting. Not this time.

With a hasty step back, he tries to kicks the door open.

It rattles but does not budge.

This time he slams it with his body, throwing all his weight behind it.

The door breaks open this time, thankfully, even if his shoulder is pin and needles from the impact, and he thinks Tohsaka is going to scold him for breaking her door -

But that thought is quickly shoved aside as he stumbles in.

"T-Tohsaka?" he calls. "Sakura?"

The hall is eerily empty.

The grandfather clock ticks in the silence, and it only increases the feeling of foreboding.

He runs to the basement, where the prana felt most saturated.

There'a a familiar metallic scent in the air, and it sends something cold down his spine.

And what he sees makes his throat go dry.

A red ritual circle on the floor - and he knows, instinctively, that it's blood. Real, pure, human blood. It's Tohsaka's blood, he can't help but think. It would explain her exhaustion, it would explain why she had seemed pale and almost cold, and it would explain why her magic crest caught her off guard -

And the girl he loves so dearly is being held tightly by a crying Sakura, in the middle of the circle, where the density of the ring is the thickest and the unrecognizable red symbols fills almost every gap on the floor.

Sakura is okay. Sakura is okay, but it didn't look like she noticed him.

Or if she did, she did not care.

Tohsaka is not moving.

Tohsaka Rin is not moving.

Her pale right hand hangs limply and touches at the cold floor, and her head is turned inwards and resting on Sakura. Her eyes are closed _and she is not moving_ -

"... No." Sakura. A mixture of despair and raw grief. "Nee-san… _nee-san_ , please… wake up… you - you can't! You said - _why_ \- please - wake up - !"

Nee-san?

He doesn't follow. He can't follow. His legs go weak, and he drops to his knees.

He _stares_.

Tohsaka is ▅▅▅.

Tohsaka is ▅▅▅.

Tohsaka is…

No. No. It can't be.

It just can't, because she _promised him_.

And somehow, his leaden feet moves, and he crawls up to them, ignoring the way the blood - _her blood_ \- stain his pants and smears on the floor.

He lifts his trembling hand and presses two fingers against the vein on Tohsaka's neck and hopes - he just _hopes_ -

If she's ▅▅▅, he doesn't know what he will do. He had once daringly told her to just watch him become a great magus but that wouldn't happen anymore if she's ▅▅▅ and he won't get to see her blue eyes anymore, he won't see her smile that smile he fell in love with, she won't tease him again, all he will be left with is a ghost of a memory that will haunt him day and night, and a part of him will die with her, because she is his ▅▅▅ now, and he will be so, so lost without her and he can't lose her he can't lose her _he can't lose her_ and if he loses her he will _never be happy again_ -

... _dum.._

His scrambled thoughts come to a halt.

_...ba...dum..._

It's a slow, faint heartbeat.

So faint, he almost did not catch it.

She's alive she's alive _she's alive -_

He draws out a slow, shaky breath.

He doesn't let himself go lax yet. He doesn't know what has caused this condition. He doesn't know if this means she will be okay or will make a turn for the worse.

This time, he looks over the unconscious girl carefully.

A pale pallor. Skin that is cool to touch, but not cold. Left arm bare, sleeves rolled up where it lay limp on her stomach. Tohsaka had been using her magic crest and she is possibly drained dry of prana.

For what reason?

His fist clenches and unclenches.

Then - a faint flicker of familiar green.

He hones in on her left arm immediately.

He had not noticed it earlier but - now that he's actually checking, he can see it.

It's a very, very faint green glow emanating from her arm - so dark that he would have thought he imagined had he not stared at it for a full ten seconds.

The soft light flickers in and out intermittently, as if fighting to stay there, yet not quite succeeding.

He doesn't know what that _means_. Is that good? Is that bad? Good that the crest is keeping her alive, or bad that it even came to that? He hates that he can't grasp what it implies, but he knows this means going to a hospital is no longer possible. For all the desire he has to just take her and run full speed to the nearest doctor, revealing _that_ will make Rin a specimen in some god-forsaken laboratory and he will not have that happen.

He turns to the girl he considers his family, the only one who might have any answers as of right now. By all accounts, this entire thing would mean that Sakura is at least a little bit aware of what magic is.

It might even be that Matou Sakura herself is a magus.

He takes in another deep breath.

"Sakura," he says.

The purple haired girl doesn't seem to hear her, for all intent and purpose lost in her grief as she clutches at Rin.

" _Sakura._ "

She startles and jerks her head up. "Ah – S - Senpai…"

A tear-stained face.

"Tohsaka is not dead," he says with forced calmness. And then he points a trembling finger at her arm. "Look."

She does.

A soundless gasp as purple eyes widen.

"...Her crest..." Sakura murmurs shakily in realization, "It's - " the grip she has on Tohsaka tightens.

Then her head jerks up to meet his again.

"S-senpai - quick, we - we need to -" her eyes darts around the basement wildly, searching for something.

Then she shakes her head rapidly, as if trying to clear her mind.

She takes in a deep breath.

"We - we need to bury Nee-san in the soil at the backyard."

He stares at her.

Did she just say _bury Tohsaka in the backyard_?

"It's - it's the leyline," Sakura says rapidly, urgently, "it will - it will help her recover. Because she's the heir to Tohsaka, the magic crest won't let her die, but - but she needs - more - from the soil - this land - "

He can barely understand what she is saying. The girl is rambling and talking too fast, even if it registers to him that, for some reason, Sakura thought that _burying Tohsaka_ will save her.

Sakura is already standing with trembling, weak legs; and trying to pull the older girl up with her without success.

"...Senpai." A broken whisper. " _Please_."

A desperate plea.

And somehow, it is this that penetrates through his numb mind, and he moves to lift Tohsaka into his arms.

The girl he loves is too light in his arms, too cool to the touch, and _too still_.

He takes in a deep, shaky breath as the younger girl watches him with tears in her eyes.

"The backyard?" he asks for confirmation.

If Sakura says that will help...he will trust her. The girl seems certain, and he doesn't know what else he can do. Having someone or something to fight - even fighting Archer - was easier than this; he _loathes_ not knowing what to do.

She nods weakly. "There should be - there should already be a hole, under a wooden block - "

He doesn't ask how she knows all these - there will be time for answers later - and he just _breathes_.

"Okay," he says. "Okay."

The look that Sakura has then - it makes his heart clench tightly.

. . .

It's a good thing there's no school today.

Nevermind the mad scramble of events from the past night that went on to the following afternoon - from him _throwing soil on top of Tohsaka_ to him making Sakura get some rest, then to him hastily doing patchworks on the broken door, then to him checking in on Rin (whose condition seems to improve by the hour), then to him inspecting the basement and trying to figure what has happened, then to him checking at the backyard again, then to him preparing some food, then to him finally digging where he _buried_ Rin at the younger girl's behest -

And now it is evening.

In front of him, on the bed where he had embraced the girl he loves just a few days ago, is the very same girl who has not yet woken up; the soil-flecked clothes replaced by clean pajamas that Sakura changed for her.

Color has returned to Rin's cheeks, however, and she is somewhat warmer to the touch than yesterday.

It appears that burying _did_ help, and unfairly, she looks like she's just sleeping peacefully while he had the fright of his life.

He has not slept, he is still wearing clothes stained with _her blood_ and the brown soil, his nerves are still raw, and that scene - that moment when he thought she's no longer breathing - is still so fresh in his mind.

His hands hasn't stopped trembling.

Just the thought of it - _the thought of it_.

He breathes out slowly.

He wants her to wake up.

He wants to see those blue eyes.

He wants to see her smile.

And yet, she remains asleep.

"Senpai…" Sakura, behind him, calls hesitantly.

He turns to meet her.

The younger girl is standing by the door, with red eyes and a cross between sadness, guilt, regret and shame for reasons he can't grasp, and there's cloth of some sort draped over her arm.

"I brought you some clothes."

She does not mention his stained ones.

"You should take a shower and get changed, Senpai. I'll watch over Tohsaka-senpai for now."

Somehow, he manages to give her a nod and walks over to her as she passes him the clothes - a black shirt and black slacks. He wonders where she got them from.

"Thank you...Sakura."

The smile she gives him is strangely sad, but he does not understand why.

"Are you feeling better?" he asks after a moment.

The purple-haired girl had almost collapsed as she left the basement, and her whole body had been shivering. And in contrast to Tohsaka... Sakura had been too warm and feverish.

"Yes," is the soft answer. "I - I just needed to rest a bit."

He doesn't quite believe her. Her cheeks are still flushed, though part of it might be because she had been crying.

He wants to know what happened _in that damnable basement_ , but he doesn't know how to ask without making her cry.

So he lifts a hand to her forehead instead.

She startles. "S-senpai - "

Still too warm.

"You have a fever," he says disapprovingly as he removes his hand. "You are going to rest."

But the girl seems to be resistant to that order; she darted a worried glance at a sleeping Rin. "I'm - I'm fine, Senpai. This isn't… this isn't a fever."

Now, didn't he hear that exact same thing yesterday from Rin?

The thought of it still makes him want to scowl.

In retrospect though, Sakura must have been as worried as he was. From her reaction in the basement, Tohsaka might have quite literally went unconscious in front of her, and for all intent and purpose had seemed dead.

He knows it's not a nice experience to have.

And if that is the case, it would be unfair of him to pull her away from the older girl.

He wants her to rest, though.

"If you don't want to rest in the guest room," his tone brooked no protest, "go lie down next to Tohsaka. That way you can keep watch on her while resting."

A pause.

"I'm not asking you to sleep - but at least lie down and rest for a while," he says carefully. "Okay?"

Sakura blinks rapidly at him. "Ah - is that - is that okay - ?"

"I don't think Tohsaka will mind," he points out. And she's not awake, so it's not as if she can protest.

For some reason the younger girl seems hesitant, strangely so. A cross between sadness, guilt, want, shyness and timidity.

"Your only other alternative is the guest room, Sakura." He tries for a threatening tone.

She just stares up at him at that - it makes him wonder if he had failed - but eventually a reluctant, but genuine smile, spreads across her face.

"...I understand, Senpai."

He drops a hand on her head and purposely messes up her hair. "Good."

"S-senpai!"

Ah. Now that's the Sakura he knows, scowling indignantly up at him in a very-Sakura-like way, which… actually really isn't a scowl. She's too gentle a person for that.

But at least she doesn't look so sad and lost anymore.

. . .

He brings dinner into the room.

Half of it is because he hopes Rin will wake up to the smell of food, however unlikely that is, but the other half is because he doesn't want Sakura moving around.

So now, they are quietly eating soup mixed with rice and thinly cut vegetables by the table - something not heavy, contains some solids, yet still easy on the stomach.

And at some point, it is Sakura who breaks the silence.

"Senpai… can I ask you a question?"

"Hm? What is it?"

"Tohsaka-senpai mentioned that… that she rebuilt a heart... for you. Is - is that true?"

He stops midway of scooping more soup from the bowl and looks up at her. Sakura seems to have reverted back to 'Tohsaka-senpai' from 'Nee-san' - though it's probably because she had some time to calm down - but honestly, what she just asked is a lot more surprising.

"She told you that?"

"...I don't think she really meant to," Sakura says hesitantly after a moment, but doesn't actually explain to his bemusement. "But - so... so it's true?"

There's a myriad of emotions that he can't quite read playing on her face.

He nods. "It's true. She saved my life." A few times, he doesn't add.

As if by its own accord, he lifts a hand to his chest and rubs at it; he feels a sudden intense, phantom pain where Lancer had once pierced. It's not something he will ever forget, for many reasons.

Sakura lets out a breath she was holding. "When - how did that… happen?"

He's not really sure how to explain it. What he can say depends entirely on whether Sakura really is a magus, and if she is aware of -

"Did that happen during the Holy Grail War, Senpai?"

He tenses despite himself.

"...So you do know about the war," he says quietly. He had hoped, despite himself, that Sakura was not aware of it. That Sakura is not a magus, merely magically aware.

Sakura's gaze drops, a mixture of sadness, guilt and pain. She does not deny it.

He stops himself from asking questions he wants answers to.

They can wait, because the girl in front of him is too fragile right now, and he's not so selfish that he will make her cry just to get his answers.

For now, to him, it is enough that both of them are safe.

And perhaps the only solace to be obtained from this revelation is that Sakura had not been actively involved in the war as Shinji was the one chosen.

So instead, he digs into his pocket and grasps the pendant he had always kept with him, and places it on the table. Tohsaka doesn't yet know that he's been keeping it on him, but it's not as if he has been planning to announce it.

In front of him, Sakura's eyes widen in recognition. "This… pendant..."

"You recognize it?" he asks despite already knowing the answer from her expression.

She nods mutely, and still stares at it.

"Lancer pierced through my heart," he says simply. "Tohsaka used the prana stored in this pendant to rebuild it."

Sakura lets out a stunned breath, and again a myriad of emotions play in her eyes, too fast for him to grasp properly.

She speaks no more after that, and they finish dinner in silence.

. . .

It's night time when he starts to feel a sensation like cold droplets of water trickling in his magic circuits. It is far, far less than what he is used to, coming into him drop by drop with long intervals in between, but he knows what this is.

He knows what this is.

He knows what this is.

He draws out a slow, long breath where he had stood motionless in the middle of the kitchen.

Then he grasps the tray containing a teapot and three empty cups, and walks up the stairs.

He tries to still his trembling feet.

He stands in front of the door.

His heart pounds, and something in him is going ghostly hot and cold all at once.

Voices, too muffled by the door, but undeniably there.

He twists the knob.

And then - he just stares.

The girl he loves is sitting up, resting against the frame, a hand pressed to her face; an anxious Sakura is hovering around her where they sit on the large bed.

"Really, Sakura," Tohsaka Rin mumbles faintly, tiredly, "I'm fine. You are being too worried. I'm awake right now, aren't I?"

"I'm too worried?" the younger girl shoots back, real anger seeping into her voice. "You _lied!_ "

He has never seen Sakura like this before, and from the way Tohsaka seemed to startle, she didn't either.

"I did not," Rin protests still.

"You did!"

"No, I didn't. I just didn't tell you."

"You - " Sakura closes her mouth, then opens it again with aggravation clear in her usually gentle voice. "Nee-san, you are being _a child._ "

"W-what?" Tohsaka sounds completely caught off-guard by Sakura actually _scolding_ ; her usual expertise and elegance in deflection is nowhere to be seen. "I - I - I am not!"

Of all the things he thought he would have seen, those two bickering certainly wasn't one of them. It's not something he would have expected from _either_ of them. Tohsaka, because Tohsaka wouldn't openly sulk in front of anyone, and Sakura, because Sakura wouldn't readily show expressions like she does now.

They look like a pair of squabbling sisters who are undeniably close to each other, and a small part of him wonders when that happened, and how.

What happened that day when Sakura went over? Have they been this close long before that? Why hadn't he noticed then? Or were the events yesterday just too rattling that it changed them somehow?

"Yes, you - ah, Senpai…"

Sakura has noticed him.

At that, Rin's head shoots up to meet his.

Blue eyes.

Tohsaka Rin stares at him.

"S - Shirou? W - what are you doing here?"

Clear, vivid azure.

She has called his name.

She is alive, she is staring at him, and she has called his name.

He breathes.

He doesn't answer yet, instead making a beeline for the study table and putting the tray down.

"...Shirou?" "...Senpai?"

Twin sounds of confusion.

Then, he takes two steps to walk up to the bed.

"W-what...?" For all the exhaustion that is clear on her face, and how pale she is right now, Tohsaka looks increasingly wary as she stares up at his looming figure.

He doesn't know what he's thinking when he sits on the bed and pulls her into his arms, blanket dragged along and all.

She huffs out a breath of surprise.

She's small and warm in his arms. Not quite all that warm enough, but warmer than she had been all day and yesterday. He thinks if he holds her too tight, it might just crush her and nothing scares him more than that right now, and he somehow restrains himself.

And he doesn't speak.

He can't speak.

He breathes in a scent that is uniquely _hers_ , tries to feel for the soft heartbeat coming from her through the awkward embrace caused by their positions, and memorizes every soft thump that comes through and taps faintly against his chest, and how it seems to rhyme with the tiny droplets of cold prana trickling into him -

He doesn't know how long they stayed that way.

Then, the girl he loves slowly curls her fingers around the back of his head gently.

Her cold, clammy forehead rests at the edge of his cheek.

"... Idiot," she half-heartedly scolds,yet filled with so much warmth and fond affection, "I promised you, didn't I?"

She did.

But he can't muster up any will to speak, and merely holds onto the faint warmth tightly.

He breathes.

. . .

A/N - Sorry about how late this is. There were, um. A lot of distractions. And life happening.


End file.
